i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My vagina is officially offended.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
