My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
People in love make me want to vomit
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
