So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
