I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
it's great music for shaving your balls
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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