I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
