I am midnight drunk by noon
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Crop dusting thru forever 21
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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