Where is the hickey?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
