i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
