Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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