I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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