i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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