Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
