yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
