Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
