He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
