we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
