Say something about gay babies.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
