hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I puked a lego.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
