did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
even my farts smell like vagina
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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