This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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