He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
