everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
