Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just google imaged poop.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
