I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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