i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
operation have a gay friend backfired
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There's always time for handjobs
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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