are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
