I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
