if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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