i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
