tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
