You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
