So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
