Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
