help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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