It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
