Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
