So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
