My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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