I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Randomize
