i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Your topless pictures make me question reality
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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