I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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