Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
