he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
