oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
