Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's official drugs can't kill me
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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