She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
