ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
