if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
