You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
honey bunches of taint.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just gargled with NyQuil
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
