i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
