if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
