eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
