I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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